From November 30, 2007

I think I forgot the lyrics

We actually caught an episode of “Don’t Forget the Lyrics” – I know, what a fantastically creative name. This is a great show for The Woman because she can sing well and knows tons of lyrics. It’s terrible for me because… well… I can’t sing, and I tend to know a lot of bogus lyrics. So the entire time I keep thinking of Irene Cara and how she would destroy me on that show. There’s just no way I could remind myself that what I sing are not the right words.

Sure enough, eventually “Flashdance…What a Feelin'” becomes an option and the contestant absolutely has to go for it. And as she’s singing the song I realized, it’s not a matter of reminding myself what the real words are. Even for $350,000, with a microphone in my hand and TV cameras focused in on me, there’s no chance that I could resist belting at the top of my lungs: “TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF / AND MAKE IT HAPPEN!”

The world’s laziest spammer

Reading this eloquent example of phishing, I was in awe with how much effort was put into creating such a meandering butchery of the English language. The spammer must have been convinced that if enough words were out of place, the reader would be so confused that money would just flow from him without even realizing it. How diabolical!

I, on the other hand, am the recipient of lazy scams, such as the following:

THIS CARD CENTER WILL SEND YOU AN ATM CARD WHICH YOU WILL USE TO WITHDRAW YOUR MONEY IN ANY ATM MACHINE IN ANY PART OF THE WORLD, BUT THE MAXIMUM IS TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS PER DAY, SO IF YOU LIKE TO RECIEVE YOUR FUND THIS WAY PLEASE LET US KNOW BY CONTACTING THE CARD PAYMENT CENTER AND ALSO SEND THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION:

1.YOUR FULL NAME
2. PHONE AND FAX NUMBER,
3. ADDRESS WERE YOU WANT THEM TO SEND THE ATM CARD TO(P.O BOX NOT ACCEPTABLE)
4. YOUR AGE AND CURRENT OCCUPATION
5. A COPY OF YOUR IDENTITY

Did you notice step 5? I got an e-mail requesting a copy of my identity. This guy can’t be bothered with figuring out how to work complicated credit cards and social security numbers. It’s much easier if I just hand over a complete copy of my identity. I’m still not sure if that includes my fingerprints and retinal scans…

Perhaps the next one will include a more devilish approach:

If you desire to have so much fund at cost of little or no thing, please send your soul to the address that included below of this e-mail. Include a S.A.S.E. if you possibly need it back at later point.

Except it’ll be in all caps or something – so I know it’s real…