Of colons and men

A few months ago I had a minor medical emergency. There was some blood involved and a trip to the ER. Everybody assured me it was likely nothing, but I should get checked out fully just to be safe. And so they shoved a camera up you know where so we could all rest easier viagra without a doctor prescription. But we couldn’t. They found something.

A few months ago I had a polyp removed. The big ‘C’ came into play. And not in a theoretical, hypothetical, maybe sometime in the future this might have developed into something more than just a blob. No, it was “I think we got it all, but we don’t know for sure.”

And so decisions were made and delayed. Some people want to hack into me and start yanking things out. I’m all Sally Fields in the latest production of “Not Without My Colon”. The doctors and surgeons and I are still on speaking terms, but not nearly as much as my new lifestyle and the people supporting me. We started attacking this the “holistic” way. A slow process that has built up steam. It grows with confidence each day. This morning was yet another breakthrough.

Yesterday I was in Connecticut, saying goodbye to a wonderful lady – my Dad’s younger “Irish twin”. As sad as the event was, all of us cousins and aunts and uncles who were able to make the trip were so happy to see each other. Too much time had passed for many of us. I hadn’t seen my “rich Aunt Mary from Connecticut” (as she once introduced herself to me) for a few years, but at least I could make up the time with her kids. So in our typical family tradition the funeral became more of a reunion. And as conversations turned from topic to topic it came out that others had intestinal issues, too – Coeliac disease. And so we talked about diets and nutrition and the medical community – a far too frequent conversation these days. And I told them what I was going through. And I realized how much we’re all in this together.

This morning, after a day of “cheating” (how could I say no to a Guinness and shepherd’s pie?) and being away from my┬ároughage and supplements my system was off. I’ve been “running” in the morning and it felt like the day off might jeopardize that. But then my body kicked into gear, flushed itself out, got ready and said “let’s move”. And so I got out and hit the road. And suddenly I felt faster, stronger and fitter than before. An extra lap around the track and still my fastest time. At home my body didn’t ache.

These things I’m doing? The green shakes, the digestive enzymes, the psyllium hulls, the essential oils, the running… it’s working. The extra 10 pounds and the small pouch that started to form? It’s gone. Being winded after a 30 second jog? Gone. Bloating and general discomfort after eating? Gone and gone. My body has re-learned how to take care of itself. So while I may cheat from time to time and take a day off every so often, my body will tell me what’s wrong and when and how to fix it. Today I am more sure of that than ever.

Dear Colon,

If there’s anything bad left in there, we’ve got to get rid of it together. I’ll give you whatever you need. Don’t give up on me, because I’m not giving up on you.

Some days

Oh Google, why must you taunt me with all of your privacy-invasiony ways wrapped in visions of ubiquitous and timely content delivery? Why won’t you let me ignore news about people I don’t know at all having a baby I don’t care about? Why do I feel like everytime I search for information I’m trapped in an echo chamber and need another option?

Some days I feel like I need a complete break. Just delete everything of mine and start from scratch without the ever watchful eye looking over my shoulder.

And then some days I open up Google Music and you suggest an “It’s My Life” playlist and I’m all, you really do know me! I’m not just an entry in a database! OMG, “If You Were Here“? Go ahead and take my social security number and a DNA sample from my first born. It’s totally worth it…

At least that’s what it’s like some days…

Who just turned 5?

This girl:

This girl!

I should really write more, but I pretty much forget how this thing works. I think I type words and then they appear on the Internet. I guess I’ll give it a try again. Either way, let me just say how amazing this little girl is – it’s even more amazing to think I had anything to do with it. I love you… The Kay…

Such a sweet smile...

There’s always money in the banana stand

I’ve been re-watching Arrested Development in anticipation of the new episodes to hit Netflix next month. This brilliant set of “album covers” by Josh Cox really shows off how many ridiculous running gags and memes the show had.

There's Always Money in the Banana Stand

Lucille on the Rocks

Jessica Walter really perfected that creepy wink…

(via kottke)

Humor from a 3 year old

There’s something rather captivating about jokes coming from a 3 year old. It probably has to do with the mixture of Norm MacDonald-esque anti-humor delivery followed by the self-gratifying laugh of Jimmy Falcon. In the end, you just can’t beat the material.

K: Knock knock.
Me: Who’s there?
K: Blueberry.
Me: Blueberry who?
K: Blueberry who wanted to hold celery’s hand!

Or her classic bit:

K: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
K: To get to Costco!

That’s gold! I crack up no matter how many times I hear it.

Leaving on a jet plane

Did I use that title before? Oh well, no one is coming here for originality anyway. Actually, no one is probably coming here at all…

Anyway, this was the scene a couple days ago:


Those are my beautiful girls heading off for a week and a half of fun and sun sans… me. No rest for the weary, I had to bail on these vacation plans due to my popularity at work these days. This is only my third time being separated from them at night, and the first time it’s more than a couple nights.

I’m sure many of you out there have been apart from your spouse and/or kids many times, but I’m spoiled by a rather comfortable life in that respect. Supposedly I should be able to accomplish a lot during this “alone” time, but I have my doubts. So far its been all about scavenging for food in the fridge and getting caught up with Archer. Maybe this weekend will offer more opportunities.

And as far as relaxing goes, that insane chocolate double stout I had on Wednesday helped get me to bed rather soundly. But there’s only so much drinking alone one can do before it begins to smack of desperation. Perhaps I should offer myself up with a bottle of wine to anyone else looking for scintillating conversation…

Yeah, that sounds much less desperate.