THOMnottom

This post was supposed to be completely different than it will be. I waited a couple days to do the formal introduction, and now it’s already too late. You see, last weekend, The Woman and I found ourselves hanging out around the guinea pigs at a pet store. We weren’t really looking to buy one – we just enjoy watching the little goobers. But we struck up a conversation with a woman and her daughter who were also watching them. It turned out that they had an adorable little piggy by the name of Charcoal who was looking for a new home. They wanted to get a dog, but not before they found a good family to take in their current pet. We seemed like an ideal candidate.

However, the major debate we’ve had since the loss of Jessie has been whether or not to get a new companion for Shadow. I’m a pretty big believer that social creatures like guinea pigs really need to be kept as pairs. But it was difficult putting Teddy and Jessie to sleep, and I’ve been afraid of getting sucked into a cyclical pattern of replacing one critter with another. Plus, Shadow had mites and we were still trying to get rid of them. This opportunity seemed pretty ideal (adopting instead of buying, he was the same age as Shadow, and we had gotten rid of the mites), so eventually The Woman talked me into it and she headed over to check Charcoal out.

He was pretty small for being 3 years old, but we couldn’t tell if that was just because we stuff our piggies silly or if he lost a lot of weight due to an unfortunate encounter with family’s first attempt at adoption. Nevertheless, he was a sweetheart and seemed to be a perfect companion for our own rather timid critter. I was determined to “do things right” this time around and introduce them more slowly. They were first put together on Thursday, as soon as The Woman brought him home, but it wasn’t until today that we gave them the chance to spend a lot of time together. And boy was it fun.

Shadow reminded us why we gave him the name to begin with – it wasn’t just his dark black fur, but the way he followed Jessie around so closely when they were loose. And even though this was his “territory”, Shadow yielded to Charcoal’s curiosity and let him lead the way all around the office, and even into the hallway. It’s the most exercise the little chub has done in over a year. They took the occasional break together, but were quite active and friendly – with minimal humping involved! After an hour, they looked tuckered out, so we put them in their separate cages and left to run some errands, excited at the prospect of the new friends.

Not long after we returned, I heard The Woman calling me from the office, sounding rather desperate. Charcoal was having trouble moving. By the time I got there, his back legs were completely immobile and he was losing strength fast. I quickly picked him up and he started convulsing. I wasn’t sure if it was a seizure or if he was choking. We panicked and couldn’t figure out what to do. I rushed him upstairs to cool him in front of the air conditioner, but it was too late by then. He had gone completely limp. Our poor little Charcoal, only three days in our care and already in our hearts, had passed away.

I was looking forward to writing a cute little message welcoming him to our lives, and already find myself writing a goodbye message. Everything seemed so perfect, but that doesn’t always mean it will work out. Goodbye Charcoal, I wish I got to spend more time with you.

At the very least, here’s a little tribute of his big day out:

Monday night The Woman and I went to the movies with a couple of friends. Crazy. I mean, we go maybe once every year or year and a half. There should be some sort of celebration, huge laudatory speeches, or human sacrifices for such an event. Maybe I’m just overreacting, but we just don’t get around to the theatrical experience that frequently.

But what can I say, someone recommended a movie that neither of us had any clue about, so it seemed appropriate to blow such an infrequent occasion on it. Afterall, the move was called Once – how appropriate is that?

I have to say, I had my doubts when I read the summary outside of the theater (our local art house actually posts synopsises… synopsi… summaries of the current indie flicks showing for all of us not in the know). I was beginning to think I got myself into a total chick flick with the promising You Kill Me just a couple doors down the hall. But to say I was pleasantly surprised would be an understatement.

Call this a romantic musical, or whatever people might like to label it, would not do it justice. The film is sweet and funny in a very realistic sense. The music is not thrown about, but absolutely essential to the storyline. And if Glan Hansard (playing “the guy”) and Markéta Irglová (playing “the girl”) were not so freakin’ talented, it definitely wouldn’t work. But hearing the passion of their songs really made me believe in them as musicians trying to make it – and the way director John Carney mixed in scenes of songwriting and singing with occasional musical montages really showcased the soundtrack. I downloaded the album it was based on as soon as I got home (legally – thank you eMusic).

As for the potential romance – I can’t really say anything without ruining the story. But I’m not sure that I’ve ever had a movie play with my emotions quite so much and quite so successfully. In a way, I was never completely sure how I wanted it to end or what would be the best way for it to end. And that’s probably what made it feel so realistic. Once is as imperfect and awkward as it sweet and romantic – just like a real relationship.

I have to admit that this isn’t a movie for everyone – it has an odd pace and low production quality that can easily be a turnoff. But if you really love that feeling from watching some amazing unknown talent at a local coffee shop, you can’t go wrong with Once.

Continuing in the movie vein, maybe it’s time I actually did a follow up to my first Netflix Queue Review. We were pretty busy in April and May, so there just weren’t enough movies for me to bother… Oh, and I’m lazy and inconsistent. But you knew that part. Anywho, let’s see what I returned the last few months:

The Aviator – Holy crap, we watched this so long ago I was still on my Scorsese kick. I remember liking this film far more than I expected to. Another outstanding performance by Leo. It’s a very well done biopic that gives you a real sense of the radical changes Hughes went through – and just how crazy he got. If nothing else, watch it to see Cate Blanchett as Katherine Hepburn.

The Good Shepherd – Best way to sum up this movie: llllllooooooonnnnnngggggg! Seriously, this movie was way too long. Scenes dragged on. Nothing was shown. I had high hopes for it, but the director seemed way too concerned with making you feel the intrigue that I felt like I needed to take notes just to have any idea what was going on. By the end, we could barely remember some of the characters from the beginning that were suddenly so important. Very overrated in my mind.

Delicatessen – I finally got around to watching this foreign masterpiece by the genius Jean-Pierre Jeunet. With that kind of introduction, do I need to even mention that I loved it? Brilliant. Absolutely twisted and brilliant. Imagine Sweeney Todd in a post-apocalyptic world. It’s surreal and dark in every sense, and ultimately wonderful and uplifting.

Batman Begins – Wow. Seriously, wow. I did not expect to enjoy this version of the Batman character as much as I did. But I loved the telling of his beginning – not just the story, but the creation of his costume, gadgets, car, etc. This is a grittier and more realistic take on the character compared to Tim Burton’s classic from ’89. I won’t even try to compare them, because I think they took such different angles on the story. But I will say that this version gets a huge boost from the incredibly talented Christian Bale and Michael Caine pulling the two top parts, not to mention Morgan Freeman as Batman’s crazy weapons supplier. I’m definitely looking forward to the sequel.

The Prestige – I will never doubt Christoper Nolan again. While I’m torn on the ending (it’s not bad – just not exactly what I wanted), the storyline is compelling without being completely dependent upon the twists that you know will eventually come. It’s a movie about magic, of course there will be twists. But it’s the fantastic rivalry between Bale and Jackman that makes the movie. It’s a classic story of competition pushing both people to the edge, and it’ll mess with you at the same time.

2046 – I can’t mention this movie without first talking about Kar Wai Wong’s masterpiece In the Mood for Love. One of the most beautiful films I’ve ever seen – the costumes, the cinematography, the exacting direction. Everything was so perfectly put together to tell the touching story of neighbors brought together when they realize that their spouses are having an affair. And as intriguing as 2046 was, I couldn’t help but feel that it ruined what was a perfectly contained story that was In the Mood for Love. Oh, did I mention that it was the sequel? Sort of. It has little to do with the original movie, except that it follows the same man as he becomes a disjointed author and serial womanizer. The slow pace does not work nearly as well this time around, and I had far less empathy with Chow Mo-Wan (the leading man) which made the storyline overall less engaging. Kar Wai Wong did an excellent job of fusing the stories that Mo-Wan wrote with his real life. I can’t help but feel like this would have worked better as a completely separate film. But if you enjoy Asian cinema, don’t miss In the Mood for Love.

Team America: World Police – I almost forgot about this one – my first foray in the “Watch Now” feature from Netflix. And I must say, it was rather hit or miss. There were a few scenes I thought were hysterical, but there were probably even more that I found boring or stupid. I still tend to think Trey Parker and Matt Stone are best when working with live people. Their social commentaries can be both funny and poignant, but I get pretty bored with the whole “let’s push the envelope” shtick. I mean puppet sex? That was cutting edge two decades ago.

The rest of our returns are from this month, so I’ll try to stay on top of this from now on…

So I’m watching Revenge of the Nerds. And it’s my first time. And I’m laughing all the way through. I can’t believe I actually find this thing hysterical at this point in my life.

After Jess confessed his shortcomings as a movie buff, I should probably come clean, too. I missed out on a lot of R-rated movies from the 80s and early 90s. Comedies, dramas, horror films you name it. It was years before I saw the first Die Hard or Beverly Hills Cop. I didn’t become a big fan of Halloween and Poltergeist until the umpteenth sequel had already destroyed those franchises.

The problem is, I didn’t get to see them as a kid, and pretty much lost interest as an adult. Sure, I saw Top Gun back when it was almost relevant, but do I really need to go back and watch Days of Thunder or Cocktail to realize what a crapfest Tom Cruise’s career really is? Can I really be intrigued by the mysteries of Jagged Edge or Basic Instinct at this point?

Of course there are plenty of gaps in my knowledge of classic cinema, but eventually I also need to catch up with the quality films that I missed during my own lifetime (such as Silence of the Lambs or Schindler’s List). But I’m still caught off guard when I randomly catch a movie like Trading Places and find out it’s still damn funny.

The other night we here a bird chirping outside. He lets out three consecutive “meep” type chirps. And he does it rather consistently, almost like he’s on a timer. I eventually start wondering if it’s actually an insect – far more likely to be so regular (at least in my mind). Yeah, that makes sense – it must be some sort of cricket.

To our surprise, he’s still going the next morning. We start wondering, was this thing really chirping all night long? I mean, it’s kind of cute, but it would get irritating real fast. Regardless, I figure I should empty the dehumidifier down in the basement. The pump has been acting up, so it’s back to filling up the bucket and manually emptying once or twice a day. Chances are it filled up quickly with all of the humidity and was probably beeping all night long…

This afternoon we went to the in-laws for some sort of celebration. Someone turned 3 or 38 or something, I don’t know. It was a very pleasant afternoon and The Woman decided to take a dip in the pool with her niece and nephew. Having a healthy distrust of the effects of water gulped in large quantities and shunted down the wrong pipe, I opted to observe from the dry land. Of course, this means that you must get involved in playtime with the kiddies in far more obtuse ways.

So when the little boy decided that I was a monster trying to reach him from the side of the pool, I found myself slowly walking around making him squeal with delight as he quickly splashed away in the opposite direction. But that wasn’t enough – at least not for me. Soon I started ducking out of view (oh, wait, did I mention that this was an above ground pool?) and popping up in a different spot to catch him off guard. Great idea, until you find yourself bent over awkwardly and sprinting in circles in way not intended by the design of our bodies.

Eventually, being the 30 year-old man that I am, I tired and decided to take a break. And as I trotted off for a beer my thighs let me know just how much wrong I had done them. Suddenly my legs felt as those steel bars half an inch shorter than they should be had replaced my muscles. This must be what happens to your body when you don’t exercise – who knew?

I spent the rest of the day stumbling around and avoiding steps when necessary. Boy, did I need a massage. And then it dawned on me: didn’t I marry a massage therapist? After a little fact-finding I confirmed that she was, in deed, a massage therapist – which explained that padded table taking up the middle of the office and all of the creams and oils around it. That sure hit the spot.

The Woman always asks me if her massages feel good, but I have to admit that by the time I actually get her to work on me, I am in such pain that any amount of pressure is going to hurt; but it sure feels great after the fact. Relaxation massages are fantastic, and I believe everybody should get them, I just don’t want to take advantage of our marital bond too much. Although it is the ultimate way to get my body to just shut up and collapse.

There is however the other effect of getting such a massage. Your entire body relaxes and certain human function can arise at an inopportune moment to cause a very embarrassing situation. I refer, of course, to the digestive processes that release rather unpleasant odors with often humorous sounds accompanying them. In other words, DO NOT EAT A MISSION BURRITO BEFORE A MASSAGE. Otherwise, you can expect to not relax one iota as you spend the entire 50 minutes concentrating on clenching your ass cheeks as tightly as possible and the potential damage that might be caused if you fail.

Thankfully, our relationship has moved well beyond that stage. Actually, with our combined digestive problems, you could even say we’ve learned to embrace the next stage. But that’s an entirely different way to relax…

When some guy makes a homemade video for a Daft Punk song doing some lame hand-jig you know it’s going to be crappy, right? Wrong. About 50 seconds in you’ll see how creative this is. Another minute and you’ll be really impressed. After that you’ll be floored that he can keep up with the music.

It reminds me of the Basement Jaxx video for “Do Your Thing” – which makes me want a t-shirt with a drawing of a trumpet on it.

You know, I love my wife; but when she forces me to listen to the Xanadu soundtrack causing Cut Copy’s “Going Nowhere” to begin sounding like ELO’s “I’m Alive” I really start to wonder…

You know what would be awesome? If I could just filter the Internet to get rid of the non-stop iPhone talk these days. I really don’t care guys. You can all rush out and blow 600 bucks on a phone if you really want, but it won’t make me think anymore of you. In fact, it’ll make me think less.

Actually, just filter that news until August or September. By then, people will start to realize just how much it cost them to kill their old contracts, that they are now stuck with the worst-rated wireless company, and that said company is totally cool with spying on them. Yeah, once those reports start rolling in, send them my way.

Since I know there are people reading this who love Rush, yesterday’s strip was a perfect reminder that you should be reading Questionable Content. For those of you who are already fans, anyone want to head to the MoCCA Art Festival this weekend to try to meet J. Jacques?