How to have a scary night

  1. Invite friends over.
  2. Watch scary movie.
  3. Send friends home.
  4. Stay awake in bed long enough to see kitchen light suddenly turn on.

This was just bizarre… and freaky. A couple friends of Lisa wanted to come over Friday night and watch some scary movies. I threw a few on my Netflix queue, but due to an odd turn of events, I didn’t get any of them in on time. But fortunately, a new collector’s edition of The Thing (one of my all time favorite horror movies) just came out, and I happened to pick it up earlier in the week. So after Lisa and her friends cooked dinner, we settled in for a fright. It ended up being a great movie to watch, as I was the only one who had seen it before and it scared the others sufficiently.

Fast forward a couple hours…

Lisa and I are in bed. I am basically asleep, and Lisa is drifting off. She opens her eyes just in time to see that there’s a light on in the kitchen. Only we had turned all of the lights in the apartment off. And we don’t have any automatic timers (inside at least). Okay, we now have restrained panic. When she told me that a light had just gone on, I was sure that it was just illumination from outside, or maybe the computer monitor making it look like that. But when I opened my eyes, it was quite clear that one of the lights had just been turned on.

The pragmatist in me keeps saying, “There’s a logical explanation for this.” But the film enthusiast in me keeps saying, “This is when everybody in the theater screams, ‘Don’t go in there, jackass.'” So I calmly get out of bed and look for something to make myself feel safe and secure – and wind up with a flashlight. On second thought, that was a really stupid item to pick up. I mean, a light had gone on, not off. But somewhere in my mind I thought that the cheap, flimsy, plastic flashlight would protect me against the ungodly kitchen-light-turning-on demons that I was about to encounter. Thankfully Lisa was there, giving me an excuse to act manly – otherwise I probably would have just wet myself… just kidding (I hope). So I gather my wits, and start off to face the evil.

I approach the kitchen, and as I get to the doorway, what horrors do I see?…

The light over our table – that would be the light with the loose switch – is turned on. Hmm, I wonder if this has anything to do with me turning it off earlier and thinking, “Hmm, that switch didn’t click… oh well, at least it’s off…”? Okay, so at least I got a chuckle out of it in the end. But I certainly wasn’t going right back to sleep at that point. Instead “Frasier” took my mind off of anything remotely scary in the world.

A little chuckle

I’m sure some of you have seen this before, but Lisa forwarded this gem to me last night:

The GOP National Committee announced today that it is changing the Republican emblem from an elephant to a condom because it more clearly reflects the party’s political stance. A condom accommodates inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives one a sense of security while screwing others.

It was also reported today that at a White House staff meeting last week a heated discussion arose about the health of Vice President Cheney and his angina problem. President Bush interrupted and stated emphatically that men do not have anginas.

Yes, it’s juvenile. But I still laughed (especially at the end).

San Andreas

Today I placed my pre-order for GTA San Andreas. “But it come out tomorrow,” you say. “Why bother pre-ordering now?” Well, the guys at the local Game Stop told me that the shipment will be in at 7 tonight. Chances are, it will sell out. But if I put the pre-order in then, I’d still have it guaranteed for tonight. Oh well, it was nice spending time with my girlfriend, but I guess that will have to come to a stop now. Any of you fools silly enough to not pick it up right away are welcome to watch me enjoy killing sprees with mouths gaping.

The release comes at a crappy time, financially. Last week I already dropped a chunk of change to pick up the much delayed DVD release of Tim Burton’s masterpiece Ed Wood, as well as the first season of the greatest new show on TV, Arrested Development and the latest installment of Invader Zim. On top of that, Best Buy also had the special collector’s edition of Hellboy and the final season of Farscape out on the shelf. Somehow I managed to make it out of there with my bank account intact. But it looks like the coming months could be difficult. Especially if I finally cave in and join the Xbox community in time for the next big thing. Hey, who needs to save money, anyway.

I’ve been Galluped

Lisa came over to me with a somewhat excited yet serious look on her face, insisting that I turn down the TV. “It’s the Gallup Poll,” she explained. As much as we both wanted her to be the one to do it, their attempt at randomness pegged me (whoever had the most recent birthday). Why her? Well, I knew that in the end they would be asking whether or not you are likely to vote and I would have to say “No,” which could effect the way my answers would be used. And don’t bother asking why somewhat who despises Bush as much as I do won’t be voting – just accept it, or be prepared for a full-on lecture regarding my beliefs.

Anywho, it was an interesting experience. I’d say that my answers were a fairly good look at my political sway – a moderate liberal who considers himself Independent, but leans toward the Democrats and thinks that Bush is possibly the worst President ever. I said that if I were voting it would be for Kerry and that I endorse him, etc. About the only credit I gave to Bush was saying that he was a stronger and more decisive leader (which in my opinion is one of his failings). Other than that, on a scale of -5 to +5 I rated Bush’s performance a -5 and gave Kerry a +3 as for my own support.

The demographic questions at the end were interesting. They asked the usual age/race/religion type stuff, but also asked me about my favorite type of music and what kind of car I drive. I’m curious to see how that adds up. I was very intent on being honest, which is why I reluctantly had to say that the election means more than usual and that I think the country is headed towards the shitter if “my candidate” lost, but I still won’t be voting…

Overall, a cool experience, and I gave them permission to call me back for follow-ups. Lisa was commenting just the other night about polls and how “they didn’t ask her.” Well, now I can say that I was asked, and that my opinion, at least temporarily, mattered.

Game Over

Yes, I did watch The Game last night. Yes, it was awesome. Yes, this could very well mean that just about anything (even a Philly team winning a championship) is on the horizon. But the funny thing is, the whol ordeal was rather anticlimactic. If that had been any team other than the Yankees on the losing end, that game would have been a snore after the second inning. If that was the Cards-Astros game, most people would have given up once the score hit a ridiculous 8-1. But instead, we all watched with baited breath… waiting for the other shoe to drop…

But it never did. The Yankees were never really in the game. One hit through 6 innings against a starter people were hoping could make it to 5? The only life they showed was a short awakening when Pedro came out, only to have him slap them right back down. With 2 outs in the bottom of the ninth, everybody was nervous as hell when that routine grounder was hit to seemingly end the game. Even the second baseman seemed confused by the ease of the final out. And then I realized that another dynasty was going out with a whimper – just as the Lakers had done against the Spurs. There was nothing to fear from them. There was no mighty magic that would save them from such an ignominious end. There was no Yankee mystique to be found.

Nevertheless, I’m happy that it’s over. I can only hope that the Sox finally put this whole “curse” nonsense to rest. Afterall, I am a Philly fan… I need to believe in miracles.

Rosebud was a sled

I’m still trying to work through possibly the funniest MetaFilter thread ever. Basically they all went nuts trying to list every spoiler they could remember. Some of the highlights include (look away if you’re afraid of anything being ruined):

Jesus gets tacked up. But he gets over it.

The chick has a dick.


Of course, the punchline is that Klinger winds up staying in Korea after everyone else leaves, because he likes it there after all.

I know, go figure.

Kelly, Ozone, and Turbo save the community center.

It turns out the Sheriff is Black.

Godot never arrives.

Its all in the reflexes. He idiotically refuses the advance of the totally hot green eyed babe. The demon is still alive on the back of his truck in the driving rain storm.

He destroys the Ministry of Information with the help of the rogue Air Conditioning Repair Man and escapes with the woman of his dreams.

In reality, he’s being tortued by a fellow Ministry of Information employee donning a baby mask.

Slim Whitman’s singing makes the aliens’ heads explode.

Truly, he was the Son of God.

One of the more interesting takes on an ending (and at least a tad obscure):

… but I still can’t believe that he would give the hard won diamond earrings to the passive-aggressive tomboy Watts instead of the sweet perky redhead Amanda.

And of course one of the all time classics:

Senator and Mrs. Blutarsky, Washington, D.C.

If you get all of those references – bully for you!

(thanks to A Whole Lotta Nothing)

If you can’t beat ’em… Cheat!

I haven’t been a big baseball fan for years. I used to love the game as a kid, but then way too many super-inflated egos, batters’ timeouts, exorbitant salaries, etc. made me lose interest. Does it really take 162 games a year to figure out who should be in the playoffs? But the last few years have offered some exciting championship games and, most importantly, the Yankees not winning the World Series.

I’m from Philly, and I love my home town. I’m an enthusiastic fan of its teams, and they will always be mine no matter where I live. But having been in the New York area for years now the passion for my own teams has almost been eclipsed by my hatred for New York teams. Every franchise has lousy fans, but there are none quite so arrogant and irritating as the “we deserve to win” mentality of the typical fan up here. And it is exhibited most heavily by the Yankees fans. These are people who think every good player should be on their team and that only they should be allowed to win the World Series. This is a city whose former mayor ignored a major deficit in an attempt to push a new stadium through for his favorite team.

I’m just rambling, but my point is that I detest the teams up here (well, I tolerate the Mets and the Jets, since they are the forgotten) and love to see their fans suffer through defeats. And these feelings are compounded by the media constantly attempting to spin stories to make these guys look like saints who are up against the dregs of society. Sure the Red Sox may be rough around the edges, but what can you say in defense of a team who felt that anyone who refused to abandon their families in the middle of a hurricane to play a game should be forced to forfeit? They may pretend to be classy, but the Yanks are anything but.

From wence did this tirade come? Watching a bit of the game tonight I saw one of the most deplorable play in baseball. After smacking a short grounder down the first base line, Alex Rodriguez tried to beat out the ball. The pitcher picked up the dribbler and, quickly realizinf that he was in the best position to make the play, moved to tag him out. At that point, Rodriguez, showing the finest of sportsmanship, smacked the pitcher’s arm in order to knock the ball out and allow Jeter to run home. The officials convened and ruled Rodriguez out and sent Jeter back to first – a decision that was met with litter from the stands. Now place this in any other city (especially Philly or Boston) and the media would berate the fans. But in New York, that’s suddenly passion.

It will largely be ignored, or spun to make it seem like the Yanks were cheated. But in the end it doesn’t matter – the great Alex Rodriguez is the one who cheated, and now the Yankees are one out away from dropping three games in a row and going from a possible sweep to a deadly game seven in Boston.

Finding our way back home

Believe it or not, but Lisa and I have been back home for about an hour. We pulled into the driveway around ten to five in the AM. What a very difficult journey home it’s been. The vacation was awesome. I got to spend time with my Slattery cousins (they being the children of my dad’s kid brother Shaun) and their spouses. We saw parts of Chapel Hill, Raleigh, Charlotte, Asheville, and the Appalachians. There was lots of walking and hiking and shopping and sightseeing and eating and… there was lots of things done. But I’ll get to all of that later when I have the time and can post photos.

As for the drive home… well, it started out nice enough. We took our time this morning as we left earlier than we could have hoped. So that left us with time to explore the sights of the Blue Ridge Parkway more and slowly make our way north. Unfortunately, our first attempt to connect to an Interstate failed when we spent an hour traveling on the absolute most windy and treacherous road I’ve ever seen. That left us stuck on the Parkway with a maximum attainable speed of 50 MPH. Once we finally started making some real headway in Virginia, the wonderful authorities there decided not to mark a 7 mile backup due to an accident. After missing a possible exit that would have only had us backpedal 30 minutes max, the next 2 hours were spent crawling, and sometimes parking, due to a tractor trailer mishap. Thank you very much Virginia. Then we managed to hit 3 24-hour gas stations in Pennsylvania that were all closed, which almost sent us into a panic as both of our cell phones were dead!

Somehow we pulled through this mess, and now I will finally head to my own bed to get some real sleep. Good night… er… morning.

Off we go

I had hoped to say more before leaving, but it’s 8:32 AM and Lisa and I were supposed to be on the road 2 minutes ago! This is way better timing than pretty much any endeavor of mine, so I’m not that concerned. Anywho, we’re heading down to North Carolina for a week, where we’ll be visiting some cousins of mine and doing a little hiking. I’m hoping to get some great nature shots (since a lot of my pictures at the Rodeo/Ristra Farewell yesterday did not come out as well as I had hoped). See you guys on the flip side.


Dooce has become quite the Internet celebrity, and with very good reason. Sure, she got known for having been fired from her job for her blog, but more importantly SHE’S FUN TO READ. I actually enjoy her entries. It’s a pleasure to read about her life, her marriage, her dog, her precious Leta and even her boobs and poop. She is both funny and touching, as evident with her monthly newsletters to her child. If you need a good reason to bother checking out another site, try starting with this humorous entry. If that doesn’t have you in stitches by the end, I’ll give you your money back.