Humor from a 3 year old

There’s something rather captivating about jokes coming from a 3 year old. It probably has to do with the mixture of Norm MacDonald-esque anti-humor delivery followed by the self-gratifying laugh of Jimmy Falcon. In the end, you just can’t beat the material.

K: Knock knock.
Me: Who’s there?
K: Blueberry.
Me: Blueberry who?
K: Blueberry who wanted to hold celery’s hand!

Or her classic bit:

K: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
K: To get to Costco!

That’s gold! I crack up no matter how many times I hear it.

Leaving on a jet plane

Did I use that title before? Oh well, no one is coming here for originality anyway. Actually, no one is probably coming here at all…

Anyway, this was the scene a couple days ago:


Those are my beautiful girls heading off for a week and a half of fun and sun sans… me. No rest for the weary, I had to bail on these vacation plans due to my popularity at work these days. This is only my third time being separated from them at night, and the first time it’s more than a couple nights.

I’m sure many of you out there have been apart from your spouse and/or kids many times, but I’m spoiled by a rather comfortable life in that respect. Supposedly I should be able to accomplish a lot during this “alone” time, but I have my doubts. So far its been all about scavenging for food in the fridge and getting caught up with Archer. Maybe this weekend will offer more opportunities.

And as far as relaxing goes, that insane chocolate double stout I had on Wednesday helped get me to bed rather soundly. But there’s only so much drinking alone one can do before it begins to smack of desperation. Perhaps I should offer myself up with a bottle of wine to anyone else looking for scintillating conversation…

Yeah, that sounds much less desperate.

Of poop and pizzerias


The K and her parents sit in a booth eating pizza. Despite being potty trained, The K is wearing a diaper to assuage her fear of public bathrooms. She turns to her mom.

K: I made a doody.

M: That’s ok, we’ll change you after you finish eating.

The K stands up.

K: Does my doody smell?

The K turns in order to push her bottom into her mom’s face. After only getting stifled laughter as a response, she turns her attention to her dad.

K: Daddy, do you smell my doody?

The K turns around and attempts to push her bottom across the table.

D: K, please just sit down for now.

K: No, I’ll just stand here. Her dad looks at her. Alright, I’ll go down, but I’m not going to sit.


June… July… August…

Hmm, it seems like some time may have passed since my last update. Enough time that I’m sure this site was written off by its rather limited audience as another in a long line of dead blogs. But I’ve got a shiny new laptop and I’m anxious to test out the keyboard. So, what’s been going on?

If my memory serves me right, my little girl turned 3 since the last entry. So that’s a big deal I guess… Also, in spite of our best efforts, she appears to be potty trained. Which is really great considering her terrifying fear of public bathrooms. At least now she has even more killer conversation starters like, “Are you wearing underwear?” (And yes, she did in fact start a conversation with an adult that way). And it really is nice to not be tossing away so much money on diapers, and instead be wasting 30 minutes at a time siting next to the toilet because she really doesn’t feel like getting up.

But that’s her thing. Not just in the bathroom. Everywhere. She wants to stay wherever she is. Want to go to the park? Nope, she wants to stay home. Want to go back home? Nope, now she wants to stay in the park. If she were someone else’s kid I’d say it was annoying, but since she’s mine I’ll just say that she’s a pain in the ass.

Oh, also my marriage turned 5. And we even got to go out for a real fancy pants dinner to celebrate. At 4:30 one fine Sunday evening… Such is married life with The K.

Let’s see, what else? I lost my job. I figure that’s big news. But it’s not like I really lost it, they just made it disappear. Whatever. I went out and got myself a new one out of spite. Also out of necessity. But mostly out of spite. No, really more out of the need to keep paying the bank so that we have somewhere to live. I’ve grown attached to having a roof over our heads.

Now that I’m slowly getting acclimated to my new life it seemed the appropriate time to break my silence. The last couple of months have been rather stressful, even when they were good. But now I need to get back to a schedule that will give me time for my own hobbies, like blogging, photography, music and bad movies.

Also we went to Dutch Wonderland. That was pretty cool.

Conversation with an (almost) 3 year old

Had a surprise visit at work today with an offer for ice cream.

K: Daddy, we came to get ice cream.

Me: Daddy’s not up for ice cream, why don’t you go with Mommy on the way home?

K: No, why don’t you have just a little bit of ice cream, and then you can go back to work and have fun.

I should probably get used to being overruled.

Thinking, so you don’t have to

Going along with the previously mentioned state of nostalgia, zefrank has been running a replay of “the show” along with written commentary now that we’ve reached the 5 year anniversary. You should definitely check it out whether or not you followed along before. In fact, way back when it first ran I remember say that you should… Yup, right over… here.

I don’t remember when I first became aware of “the show with zefrank” and I’m actually a little surprised that I had started watching only a few months into it’s original run. Still, it reminds me of a time when just about every little website people stumbled on was doing something interesting. Unfortunately that was also a time when keeping up with almost daily posts was nearly impossible and I missed plenty of episodes and never even created a power move. Very different from these days when… oh crap, I’m still on episodes from April. Nevermind.

Zefrank managed to walk a thin line between between astute observer and immature joker with a good dash of Internet absurdity sprinkled on… wait, what analogy was I going for?

Anyway, if you never got a chance to watch it back in the day, fire up the first episode. It’s rather fascinating to watch the development process of creative endeavors after the fact.

Nostalgia, I can has it?

I guess it started back in December. That’s when I found myself hanging out with an old friend in the city – twice in one week. The first was a last minute e-mail to catch a concert. An event that used to be a regular occurrence for the two of us, but was sadly my first in about 3 years. Later that same week I finally made it to one of his annual holiday parties that involved almost no one else I know.

That’s not completely true. Aside from his co-host – another friend from college yore – at least two other familiar faces showed up that qualified as true “blasts from the past”. Unlike the usual mingling with fellow alums that I see on a regular basis, there was some real catching up to do with nearly a decade having past since seeing some of them.

Things really started to pick up after our infamous Disney trip, though. First was another venture to a concert, this time in Hoboken. A quick pint with a friend beforehand produced even more drinking buddies from the halcyon days of my youth filled with lots of “Holy %^&*, it’s Slattery” type responses. All of this was topped by the appearance of a dear friend (and consummate bartender) whom I had last played phone tag with after the K’s birth. That reunion was much needed and provided a reminder that my life has, indeed, been good.

Of course not long after these adventures some more complicated goings on at home and at work had my nostalgia mode kick into “overly emotional gear”. Suddenly I found myself wondering when and why everything got so complicated. Sure, there’s the house and the kid and economy and all that crap, but why can’t I be as “care free” as I was half a decade or so ago? Is it just me, or is everybody feeling this way?

After listening to all sort of pseudo-retro songs to quell – or maybe stoke – the fires of over-sentimentality, the ship has slowly been righted. A solo night out at a bar one evening served as an incredible head-clearing episode – kind of like a real kick in the perspective pants. So even as more questions about the future have started popping up I am handling them with a tad more levelheadedness… well, at least after a modicum of freakoutedness. And so as a reward for those of you who made it through yet another rambling post with little to no point, here is “Round & Round” by Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti. One of my favorite tracks of recent years which so perfectly portrays nostalgia:

“Round & Round” by Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti

I was listening to this a lot a few weeks ago. The chorus has to be one of the greatest I’ve ever heard. Hmm, maybe I should include more music in my posts…