I don’t remember many of my dreams. There was a time when I always woke up with dreams fresh in my mind. Then there was a time where I would have sworn that I had stopped dreaming completely. These days, it’s a fairly uneven turn. This morning would be one of those rare occasions when one stuck with me. Even more unique, I think this dream had a lot to say – and not just your typical “Stop eating spicey foods at 1 AM” messages. I do believe I had an inspiring message about my life delivered in my slumber.
It was my wedding. To be more specific, Lisa’s and my wedding. Of course she was happy to hear about that part. But in reality, I don’t remember her actually being in the dream – the entire sequence took place before the event, which means that she was presumably behind the scenes the whole time. Instead the dream focused on my own pacing around like a buffoon trying to figure out what I should be doing at the time. I pulled out my camera and was trying to setup for pictures, but people assured me that that shouldn’t be the groom’s responsibility. Then I started worrying about whether I was supposed to hire a photographer and forgot, or if someone else was taking care of that. Suddenly the entire event felt rushed – not the marriage, but the wedding itself. I guess that’s reasonable since I hadn’t done any planning before the dream, but it was still one of those “Oh no, my science project is due today” kind of moments.
At first I thought this was probably just a by-product of recent relationship-centric discussions Lisa and I have had. Maybe a little subconscious, “You’re not 23 anymore” proddings. But really, that’s just the setting – a big part of my life that is under siege by my own mental hangups. You see, I am a chronic procrastinator. Coupled with my rather anal-retentive, OCD-like perfectionism, that means I barely get anything done. I have serious difficulty in just diving into a task and taking care of it, because I always want things to be perfect so I’m afraid to start up anything that I’m not ready to complete yet. That leaves a lot of tasks lying around, not even started.
On top of all of this, I now have an intense desire to document everything. My photography. My blogging. They are attempts to capture a life suspended. But until I let them flow naturally in the background, they hold my life in suspension indefinitely – afraid to move forward until I finish the last part. And thus I am left with over 10,000 photos hidden from those who want to see them and dozens of unwritten ideas and unposted entries – each bit keeping me from starting the next one.
So now I am left with an obvious response – GET MOVING! Wake up in the morning and don’t think about what you want to accomplish before work. Just start the day. When I get home tonight I need to start posting pictures and entries that have been all but forgotten. I need to stop worrying about the perfect way to put away things in the apartment, and just clean up the office so I can get back to my life. My boss has already helped me with this at work by getting me to implement a work order system. Now I can actually keep track of what I accomplish and feel like I’m doing my job on a daily basis. I need to open my eyes and realize that my life isn’t going to go anywhere unless I take it there.
I can’t believe that my dream has given me such a metaphorical slap in the face, but so be it. And as for the setting… well, for now we’ll just leave that as “No comment.” 😉