the horror…

And no, I’m not talking about the good kind. For some dumbass reason I downloaded and proceeded to watch Rob Zombie’s House of 1,000 Corpses. Ok, I didn’t make it thru the entire movie. No it wasn’t because I was too scared – I was alone in my bedroom with the lights turned out and it still managed to bore me. I can’t believe anybody thought this movie was good in anyway shape or form. Sure, Sheri Moon is hot and all (way to go Rob), but she’s honestly the only part of the movie that was worth watching – and her acting was pretty bad. I still have like half an hour left and I can’t decide if it’s worth finishing. The entire film is a bad knock-off of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but relies completely on gore and horrible editing to try to scare the viewer. Watching some guy get his hand hacked off or scalped may be disgusting, but the image doesn’t haunt me or make me shiver. Even bad horror movies will leave me with some sort of remnant anxiety that makes me apprehensive of walking in the woods, or turning the lights off. The Blair Witch Project – which I mainly laughed at – kept running through my mind when the lights went out and I had to go to the circuit breakers in the pitch black basement. Yet somehow Baby Firefly dragging a razor across some guy’s face, the police finding the one girl naked and mutilated in the trunk, and Dr. Satan taking FIVE MINUTES to finally shoot the idiot cop in the head provoke absolutely no emotional response.

Rob Zombie managed to make an absolute mess of a film using all sorts of hackneyed editing techniques of splicing in random images and useless back stories that his mindless drones of fanboys will pointlessly praise and call “a cult classic.” I guess I’ll just wait for the US release of The Eye.

P.S.(Not much to do here at work today, so I have this feeling that I’ll be making a record number of posts!)

One thought on “the horror…”

  1. I just wanted to say that baby didn’t drag the razor accross the face, she was dancin when it happend, it was otis. And dr. satan didn’t shoot nobody, you sure as hell wasn’t payin attention cause that was otis too, maybe if you’re gonna be criticizin bout somethin, you should take a good look at what you’re gonna be rantin and ravin about later, Jesus Christ shit for brains.

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