American Idol – Top Five

That’s right, my stupid commentary is back be popular demand. What can I say, none of us seem to have real lives to compete with our real TV. You know the drill…

I’m gonna make this fairly quick and painless. I’m staring at the top twelve trying to figure out how some of these stinkers made it this far.

***NOTE*** Dr. House just used the term “fun bags.” I will once again stress that you need to watch this show! Now back to the usually scheduled crap…

Oh joy, we get two songs from each performer tonight. The first song choice will be from the classic pop library of Leiber and Stoller while the second one will be from the utter crap pop library of today. Of course, since the show has been over for 40 minutes, my verbs are in the completely wrong tense… I guess I better move along.

First up is the embodiment of soulless white boys, Anthony Federov. What can I say, the boy sounds exactly the same no matter what he’s singing. I mean, if we were having a nice game of Encore (one of my favorites as it allows me to show off not only the bizarre collection of lyrics in my head, but also my amazing ability to not carry any tune, no matter how simple), I’d be fairly impressed at how easily he could turn a decent phrase. Unfortunately, other then having fun at a karaoke bar, this kid is fairly useless. Even if he is from my home county.

Next comes the heinous Scott Savol. I won’t even bother talking about him anymore. On the rare occasion that he pulls together a decent performance, his shithead personality still shines through. I don’t care what his voice is like at this point, he doesn’t belong on stage.

Thankfully Vonzell comes to the rescue. Not her best performances. I prefered her first song to the second. Her vocals continue to be shaky in the beginning, but the girl’s got major stage presence. I told Lisa what I really like about her is the fact that it wouldn’t take much to fix the problems she has. A little bit of coaching and better production, and she’ll be great.

But that doesn’t really matter, because the star of the evening followed. Simon nailed it on the head when he said that Bo made the others look like amateurs. And what song selection! “Stand By Me” and Los Lonely Boys’ “Heaven” were both perfect for him. Great vocals and a solid performance. About the only complaint I could think of was that they were too much like the originals. He didn’t inject enough “Bo” into them. But considering they had to prepare two songs for this week, that might have been too much to ask. Another great week should keep him as the frontrunner.

And to finish out the begining and the end of the evening, out saunters The CarrieBot2005. Okay, “saunter” implies way too much compared to whatever movements Carrie actually partakes in. She tried to show something in the first performance, and looked as lost as a kid in Junior High who just found out the girl before her in the talent show is singing the same song, but does so in key. Finally Simon used the word “robotic” to describe her. Not that that will end America’s love affair with such an average talent.

I’ll stick to my guns and say that Anthony finally bites the dust. I will continue to pray to various gods and offer sacrifices to anybody listening to get rid of Scott, but he will somehow survive another week. Bleh!