Sunday night Lisa and I had our usual “can we afford to continue living our exorbitant lifestyle of a heated home and almost two square meals a day” talk. So far we’ve decided that there’s at least enough cheese and crackers and olives to get us through the year. I’m not so sure after that.

Alright, it’s not really that bad, but anyone else out there who’s used to being able to cover bills from paycheck to paycheck knows that you’re just one busted boiler away from being sunk. And did I mention that our boiler was, in fact, busted? I’m a terrible blogger – I totally forgot to mention that we did get that old beast replaced with a sexy new metal contraption that can actually get our house over 70 degrees without using an entire third-world country’s worth of natural resources. I’ll post some pics – promise!

Where was I? Oh, that’s right. Lisa and I determined that life was not a complete financial disaster and we drew up a plan to make sure it wouldn’t become one. Raise your hand if you can guess what happened next! That’s right, Monday morning I turned the keys to my car and received nothing but mutterings and a bad cough in return. I think she was offended by my talks of replacing her with some leased hotness just the night before. Yes, my car can apparently hear through the walls – and understand English no less!

We’ll ignore the pathetic attempts I made to correct the situation on my own and simply point out that Whole Foods make a mean cafe au lait – which was clearly the highlight of my morning. GEICO was more than happy (actually, they were probably merely content) to tow me to the nearest Saturn dealer. I “wisely” deferred to being taken to the Sears near work, as they’ve fixed my car in the past and are close enough to get a quick lift in. How smart am I? Let me tell you – not very.

After waiting in line for about 30 minutes behind a couple who didn’t even bring in a car (yes, I’m serious), the “mechanic” finally took a look at my pseudomobile and figured out that I was screwed. Apparently it was a timing belt, and Sears don’t play that. Gee, if only there was still a tow truck around like there had been 30 minutes earlier. So it’s time to get another tow, this time to the nearest Saturn dealer. Boy, I sure did manage to make just about every wrong decision possible that day (well, except for the cafe au lait – seriously, give it a try).

The dealer rented me a car for the day and went to work figuring out home much I’ve neglected my own vehicle the last year or so. When he called me up later, he was even nice enough to pretend there was good news. “It just needs some maintenance,” he declared. Oh goody, what needs to be done? He then proceeded to name every component of the engine and the low cost of two to four hundred dollars it would run to fix each one. How lucky am I? It’ll only cost $1700 to get my POS running as poorly as it used to! Oh joy.

I’m sure you’re anxious to hear how does our little story ends! I tossed them 400 bucks and told them to make it not explode and said I’ll probably just get rid of it inside a week. And that’s how I’m currently getting around in my own private deathmobile. Anyone need a ride?

6 thoughts on “Deathmobile”

  1. It really threw me for a loop – I’ve never had an auto bill even close to that. I beat the hell of my Geo, and the worst I ever had was around $400 for brakes.

    The craziest thing is that they aren’t exactly overcharging me, either – the brake job they quoted for $350 was over $500 when I had it looked at a few months ago.

  2. Yow… reminds me of the horrible electronic system of death/fuel leakage explosion issues with the Beetle last… year? It sucked, whenever it happened. Is there any way you and Lisa could conceivably work it out with only one car, rather than have you chug along in something that’s slightly less dangerous than the Hindenberg?

  3. Wow…

    and I thought those damn Volvos were expensive!

    Actually, on the Volvo 960 I was buying from my dad, I had to do the whole timing belt maintenance and found out that set me back almost $1,200 and they also had kindly pointed out that the brake rotors needed to be replaced for an additional $550. I took care of that a week later, and when I picked up the car, the lady at the desk told me “well the back rotors are replaced, but you need to return in 1,000 miles for the front”. $550 more?!? Crazy…best thing was, 3 days later, some jackhole turned in front of me, blocking my lane and sending me crashing into a Honda Civic hatchback and his crappy Honda Accord (swat and swoop I believe it’s called…yep, it was just like that). So, $1,750 down the drain.

    Plus side – I finally got my VW Jetta, which I absolutely love! 🙂

  4. Eva’s situations makes me want a VW, mizerychik’s makes me not want one! I’ll probably just end up with a Corolla – if I’m lucky.

    Oh, and mizery – I saved your original comment from the bowels of Akismet’s spam blocking mojo and wiped out the two that made you look silly. Now I realize I must actually manage this blog on occasion.

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