Darkness Falls

Words fail. Brain shuts down. ARGH!!! It’s not like I was expecting much, but this movie was so terrible. It was mildly scary at certain points, but mostly just laughable. I’m serious about words failing – I planned on using the word retardation, but that simply isn’t strong enough. It’s more like horetardousable. I don’t know what that means, but I’ll figure it out. For now, the definition is any movie with the name Darkness Falls.

So many holes. Such a horrible script. Why the tooth fairy, why?!?! Something coming out of the dark is a cool idea and looks real nifty – why not just make it the giant rat from Chuck E. Cheese’s (is his name actually Chuck?). I honestly want to poke my eyes out in retribution for having watched the whole movie. How the hell could this stupid witch grab a guy next to a lighthouse light, yet be afraid of a little glow stick? Is it that difficult to not look at something in the dark? Why is the 24 year-old town hottie still hung up on the psycho 9 year-old boy next door? Aren’t there any other women in the town, besides the bitches in the nut house? Why couldn’t this have been rated R? Maybe then we could have at least seen Emma Caulfield (who certainly isn’t 24) naked.