There should be an test to get online…

Some moron decided to post a comment about my review of House of 1000 Corpses. His comments speak to the intelligence of someone who actually thought that movie was anything but pure and utter mindless trash. Of course he’s too much of a pathetic simp to even have an e-mail (at least that’s his claim), so I can’t respond directly to him. Instead I’ll re-quote the entire comment here on the front page for all to read:

I just wanted to say that baby didn?t drag the razor accross the face, she was dancin when it happend, it was otis. And dr. satan didn?t shoot nobody, you sure as hell wasn?t payin attention cause that was otis too, maybe if you?re gonna be criticizin bout somethin, you should take a good look at what you?re gonna be rantin and ravin about later, Jesus Christ shit for brains.

First let us analyze his problems with my review. Thanks to the poor editing abilities of Rob Zombie and the fact that both characters have light scraggly hair and are wearing cowboy hats, I mistook which one dragged the blade across the guy’s face. If you actually watch the scene, the only real evidence that it is Otis with the knife is that he enters the room with it. The close-up shots don’t really show the torturer’s face. You can assume it is Otis the whole time as Baby is in fact dancing, although the random editing does not preclude the possibility that these are two different time sequences. Also, I accidentally called Otis Dr. Satan. I apologize to both characters as I’m sure this was greatly to their detriment.

Second, let’s look at the grammatical structure of his comment. This poor soul sadly comes from a rather destitute background where his family could not even afford him an e-mail address, let alone proper education. They are so impoverished that he could only manage two periods to spread across what should have been about 6 or 7 sentences. Let me help him with his thoughts, as it is obviously painful for him to handle them alone.

I just wanted to say that Baby didn’t drag the razor across the guy’s face; she was dancing when it happend. It was Otis. Also, Dr. Satan didn’t shoot anybody. You certainly weren’t paying attention because that too was Otis. If you are going to criticize something, you should take a good look at the subject matter. Jesus Christ, you have shit for brains.

There, now I’ve corrected his failure to capitalize proper names, added punctuation to form 6 complete sentences, fixed multiple spelling mistakes, and generally made the comment sound as though it were not delivered by a toothless hobo. I’m glad to see that my site is attracting useless teenage refuse that feel the need to pollute the information pool that is the Internet with their inane drivel. Thanks for your comments. Once you’ve learned to properly handle writing techniques as complicated as simple sentence structure, maybe you can return and post something above the intellect of a retarded fruit fly. Then again, looking at your taste in movies that is highly doubtful. At least you’ve provided me with a good laugh and someone to ridicule.

One thought on “There should be an test to get online…”

  1. “…as though it were not delivered by a toothless hobo”

    That could explain the lack of an email address.

    “Jesus Christ shit for brains.”

    They made a sequel to “Superstar?” :p

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