Alright, do I have your attention now? Sure, the title might seem just a tad inappropriate – like some attempt at link whoring – but I assure you that anal impaction is what this post is about. So the squeamish might just want to flee right away.
Shadow, my sole remaining guine pigs for those of you with short memories, has been acting odd of late. Alright, he’s always acted oddly, and his behavior wasn’t really anything out of the ordinary except that he wouldn’t stop begging for food and man did he learn how to milk us for treat… but that’s besides the point. He’s always had a tendency to drag his butt while walking and lately he was getting even more sedentary. Late Tuesday night I picked him up, and felt something hard sticking out where nothing hard should be sticking out.
I won’t go into really gross details, but imagine trying to take a crap 10 inches in diameter. That’s about the scale we’re looking at. Fortunately for Shadow, guinea pig tushies are way more stretchable than ours – well, at least from my experience. It took two sessions (I had to finish in the morning because I felt bad for him), and lots of mineral oil and heiny soaks, but I managed to pry the tremendous poopy from the flaccid cheeks of his buttocks. Amazing how much spring that added to his steps – especially considering he was now dragging around his somewhat droopy bottom.
Lisa took the time to point out what a good father I’d make. I feel great being ready for a job that includes cleaning someone else’s ass as a requirement. Sometimes you just have to block those thoughts out of your mind before your can change it…
I just can’t wait to see what kind of searches bring up this post in the future. I’ve got to write something else today pronto so this doesn’t stay at the top too long – aren’t you glad I got this out of the way before describing the rest of Hawai’i?
You really do take great care of your piggie.
You will be a really great father.
And you will, in all likelihood, use all the skill and experience you have learned with this incident at some point in the future.
According to my mom, it doesn’t end with kids either. Eventually you have to be the caretaker for your parents.
Poop is just a fact of life.
I feel great being ready for a job that includes cleaning someone else’s ass as a requirement.
My mom had a family barbeque a few weeks ago and my cousin (with three kids) was talking about how once you become a parent you end up discussing things you never thought you’d discuss… like how her kids all used to eat their own snot in different ways.
Depending on how many kids you have, you may very well be wiping butts for nigh on 10 years (imagine what your poor mom went through!). I just remember when I realized the day I was responsible for no one’s poops but my own….I felt like taking an ad out in the paper in the legal section.