Oops! I Crapped My Pants

Remember that classic SNL skit? Yeah, that was hilarious. Boy do I wish I was going to talk about it. In case you couldn’t guess, this post should be labeled TMI…

Perhaps I should have known this vacation wouldn’t go smoothly with such an auspicious start. Saturday morning, at 7 AM – after multiple u-turns – I found myself standing in half a foot of water that surrounded our car in the off-airport parking lot. Joy! As I commented in the security line, I was the only person happy to take my shoes off for the safety of the nation. Shortly thereafter, my socks found a trash can as strangers watched me try to dry off my shoes in the bathroom. Classy!

Alright, the trip out to Santa Fe went well and so did our first day of activity – more on that when we return. It was Sunday evening that things went South – quite literally. Both The Woman and I felt pretty exhausted after a full trek around the Plaza. A little bit of sunburn and dry lips meant we had been careless in the sun up in these high altitudes. It’s much harder to keep track of when the temperature is a perfect 60+ that never lets you break a sweat. So a nap and lots of fluids were called for with just a mild frustration at how easily this could have been avoided. After an hour or so, The Woman was able to begin bragging that she was feeling better and had obviously begun to beat the dehydration. I was not.

After several trips to the bathroom left me losing fluids faster than I could take them in, The Woman headed out to the store to get me some spinach… I mean electrolytes. But by the time she came back it was obvious that the little bit of Gatorade I could gag down would not be enough. Time for my very first trip to a hospital on vacation! w00t! Heck, this was my first trip to the hospital for myself in over 15 years.

Everybody was very nice at… whatever hospital it was. I almost began to regret wasting their time as I started to feel better. Then, just as they got me all gowned up, I found myself on my knees filling up a bucket with you-know-what. Well, at least we wouldn’t be wasting their time. So, they pumped me full of fluids and anti-nausea medicine until I seemed to be in the clear. It seems that we managed to pick the perfect time to journey down here, as a virus was making the rounds. And, wanting to really indulge myself in the complete Southwestern experience, I signed up for it.

Well, this was supposed to be a vacation to relax and take it easy. Getting violently ill will most definitely force you to do that. I was completely out of commission for two full days – it’s amazing how long you can go without eating and not even feel hungry when sickness is involved. It has been tons easier to deal with thanks to our fantastic hosts here at Casa de la Cuma. At least I’ve been well enough since yesterday evening to begin enjoying things again, and we still have a couple of days to catch any major sites we missed. To make myself feel better about vacation disasters, I even watched Open Water. I think I’ll stick with good ol’ fashioned vomiting and diarrhea for now!

P.S. I won’t admit right now just how true the title is…