Baconier words have never been spoke

(thanks to Dooce)

Bacon makes it on my list of greatest foods on the planet. It’s somewhere between chocolate and Chick-fil-A. I always thought that ideally you could combine at least two of those foods to form some sort of uber-food. That’s why I was shaken to my very core when I walked into Whole Foods one day and discovered this candy bar awaiting me. Great googily moogily – it’s like the Holy Grail for my slow-working arteries. Unfortunately, the price tag precluded a tasting at that time and the bar has since disappeared; and even I find it a tad excessive to order a seven dollar piece of chocolate across the ‘net – no matter how much bacony goodness is involved.

But now it feels as though my desires are just being mocked outright, as someone “not a big fan of bacon” was able to partake. Where is the justice? That’s something I simply cannot wrap my head around. Even more confusing than someone paying $2000 to willfully see Hannah Montana live, how can you not LOVE bacon?!?!

Instead, I need to wait for some gourmet shop to start carrying the $2 sampler bars in the most crucial of flavors – bacon!

P.S. (If The Woman were not as health conscious as she is, perhaps a bacon subscription would make up for want of the forbidden bar…)

5 thoughts on “Baconier words have never been spoke”

  1. I’m absolutely horrified. And oddly intrigued. But why would you sully good chocolate with bacon? And vice versa! I love salty + sweet and all, but this might be a bit too much….

    And I love me some Jim Gaffigan. I have seen that bit before and it cracked me up just as much this time around. Two pieces of bacon really aren’t enough. But see, I never get the bacon at a buffet because they never make it crunchy enough. I need bacon that might break your teeth :-P. Man… if I didn’t just eat a big, healthy dinner I might want a turkey club right now….

    But bacon of the month? I don’t so much know about that….

  2. Even more confusing than someone paying $2000 to willfully see Hannah Montana live
    Yea, I’m not quite understanding what this craze is all about. Either I’ve missed all the news reports of her curing cancer and leprosy with her singing, or the world has gone mad.

    Some one needs to throw a bacon-themed party… maybe I’ll do that for my next event up here 🙂

  3. I’m all for bacon, but keep it out of my chocolate. actually, keep pretty much everything out of my chocolate.

    (i have heard tales that bacon-chocolate is somewhat akin to chocolate covered pretzels. )

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